Sleeping has been a difficult task for me lately, which historically is rarely an issue. In fact, I have always prided myself on being able to fall asleep just about anywhere and everywhere. There are many factors contributing to my lack of sleep these days, some of which I can not change for the time being. I have gotten so sensitive about my lack of sleep, that if Mike happens to accidentally wake me up, I get angry, an unfair and unwarranted angry. Usually I would easily and swiftly fall back asleep. But right now, being awoken, after how long it took to fall asleep, is detrimental. I of course apologize, as it is the lack of sleep talking, not actually me! I have tried several things: a noise machine, a dehumidifier, getting in bed a couple hours before I actually have to sleep, wine, night time cold medicine, and just being exhausted. I am at a point where I feel like I have forgotten how to fall asleep. Maybe I need to re-learn. Continue reading →

Painting with a twist. I was visiting my family in Tampa for Christmas and was delighted, and then rushed with anxiety, to find out that my mom had booked us a class at Painting with a Twist. I have always been artsy and have been aware that I posses some creative talent, though at which capacity I have never been sure. However, I can not express the amount of anxiety and self doubt I have suffered with from this topic. Since I was a child, my family has ranted and raved about everything I put a pencil, marker and paintbrush to. Endless conversations have been had regarding my talent and how I should be using it. Amidst all of the praise, I have always felt that my talent wasn’t good enough. That it was nothing compared to others. It was this self doubt, that lead me to choose an educational path in accounting; in hopes of securing a sure thing of a career which would give steady and reliable pay. Once a degree was in clear sight, I re-analyzed my situation. Would I be happy in the world of numbers and spreadsheets? Would I be fulfilled? I applied to the Fashion Institute of Technology’s fashion design program. I submitted a portfolio that I would be embarrassed to show anyone today. By the grace of God, I was accepted. I spent the next year in the intensive design program which was 9-5pm, Monday – Friday and sewing every night until 3am. People asked me to describe what this experience was like, and my best answer is, project runway. I was selected to be in the final exhibit and received much praise for my designs, but despite everything, I was still  plagued with not feeling good enough. I obtained my degree and then was faced with the ultimate question. Would I follow the path of fashion design and take an unpaid internship in hopes that somehow I would get lucky enough to meet the right person along the way? Continue reading →